I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
