And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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