i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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