Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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