Define "chronic" masturbator.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
40s are totally the cure
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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