How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
