Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize