Betty ford says i'm here all night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
