Umm I'm too high to move.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
