I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
