Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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