"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My pussy is not your playground.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
