Will you blow on my dice?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have aggressive nipples.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
