Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How does one acquire holy water?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
