I can text with my tongue
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
