Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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