i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
