I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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