Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's blow job season.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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