So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
