Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
