I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
