I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
