Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
