just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
