is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
