I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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