I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
