i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
