then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
