Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
