dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
