And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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