Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
