Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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