We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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