We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
