you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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