after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize