I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize