Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
