I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
