i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
