While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
