you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize