Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
