So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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