you traded sex for a burrito?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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