So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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