I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
