you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
