i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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