that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize