I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
