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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
