he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
