Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
