I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
