its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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