Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is my gift to your gina
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
