Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
