Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
