I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
