I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
