my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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