just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
