how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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