FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
