Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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