took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
