3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize