I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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