Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
